Harry Potter's Moulin Rouge
by Jas Cambrion
Summary: Moulin Rouge gone Harry Potter **NOTE: Feedback is my friieeeennnd!
1. There Was a Boy...

Professor Mcgonagall singing: There was a boy  
  
A very strange, enchanted boy  
  
I've seen him travel very far, very far  
  
Over land and sea  
  
A little thin and sad of eye  
  
But very strong was he...  
  
And then one day  
  
One awful day  
  
He passed my way  
  
And while we spoke of many things  
  
Fools and kings  
  
This he said to me...  
  
'The greatest thing you'll ever learn  
  
Is just to love...and be loved in return.'  
  
Harry (older now) narrates: Hogwarts School of Withcraft and Wizardry. . . a giant classroom, the dance hall of the wizarding way of life. Ruled over by Albus Dumbledore. A kingdom of wizard's and witch's pleasures. Where the hexed and magical came to learn with the old and experienced creatures of the magicworld. And the most talented of all these was the woman I loved, Hermione, a "mud blood." They called her the "Sparkling Witch", and she was the star... of Hogwarts. The woman I loved is... dead. I first came to London 18 years ago. It was 1990, the summer of magic. I knew nothing of Hogwarts, Albus Dumbledore or Hermione. The world had been swept up in the supernatural revolution. And I unknowingly traveled as a baby to be a part of it. On a hill near Privit Drive was Diagon Ally. It was not as my Aunt and Uncle had said.  
  
Mr. And Mrs. Dursley: A village of SIN!  
  
Harry as Narrator: It was the center of the Magical world with wizards, witches, quidditch stars. They were known as the "Children of the Revolution." Yes, I had come to live a penniless existence. I had come to learn about potions, magic, quidditch and that which I believe in above all things... LOVE. Mr. And Mrs. Dursley: Always this ridiculous obsession with love!  
  
Harry as Narrator: There was only one problem - I'd never been in love! I'd never even had a girl friend. Luckily, right at that moment a huge greasy man fell through my door. He was quickly joined by a wand dressed as a pink umbrella. (the door falls) Hagrid: How do you do? My name is Reumus hagrid. I'm terribly sorry about all this. We were just outside looking for Mr. Harry Potter. Harry: What?!? Me? Harry as Narrator: Mr. Potter, me, apparently was well known to this huge beasty man. Hagrid: You're very famous, Harry. Come with us to Hogwarts. Dumbledore: How is he? Mcgonagall: How wonderful now that the poor little boy is safe in his aunt and uncle's arms. And therefore the scenario will be finished and happy enough in time to present to the magical world tomorrow. Dumbledore: Quick Hagrid, I still have to finish the letter. Hagrid: Oh how in heavens did we find someone to take such good care of the young, sensitive English wizard? Harry as Narrator: Before I knew it, I was in the cupboard kicking off spiders in my aunt and uncle's house on Privit Drive.  
  
* * * 


	2. The Hat is Alive...

(A few years later--Harry is now in his first year , his first few hours, in fact, at Hogwarts. He's just seen the sorting hat, and Snape, Mcgonagall, Dumbledore, and Hagrid are playing a song for the new students about the sorting hat.)  
  
Chapter Two The Hat is Alive.  
  
Dumbledore sings: The hat is animated with, the euphonious symphony of descant... (Mcgonagall playing what is apparently a piano, but sound like a horror soundtrack) Snape: Oh stop, stop, stop, stop that insufferable droning is drowning out my words. Can we please just stick to a little decorative piano? Harry as Narrator: There seem to be artistic differences over Snape's lyrics to Mcgonagall's songs. Hagrid: I don't think a wizard would say that about a hat Mdgonagall: What if he sings "The hat is vital intoning the descant"? Hagrid: No, no, no, the hat is. Harry: The . . . the hat . . . (no one hears him over the argument) Hagrid: The hat is chanting . . . Mcgonagall: The hat . . . Harry sings: (loudly so everyone hears) The hat is alive with the sound of sorting..! (everyone's eyes light up in astonishment, except for Hagrid's, who's eyes you cannot see perios under his bushy eyebrows)  
  
Malfoy: (before Harry 'tells him off' in the hall) "The hat is alive with the sound of sorting!" I love it! Mcgonagall: "The hat is alive with the sound of sorting". It fits perfectly! ! ! Harry continues to sing: With names it has sung for a thousand years! (proffessors gasp)  
  
Dumbledore: Incandiferous! Snape, you two should write the songs together. Snape: I beg your pardon? (snobbily) Harry as Narrator: But Dumbledore's suggestion that Snape and I write the songs together was not what Snape wanted to hear. Snape: (sings out rudely) GOOD-BYE!  
  
(Snape slams the door) 


	3. Hermione: The Sparkling Witch

Chapter 3 Hermione: The Sparkling Witch  
  
(Starting with Mcgonagall and other professors conversing about Harry's performance to help Neville get his Remembrall back from Draco)  
  
Mcgonagall: Yes, your first quidditch position.  
  
Madame Pomfrey: No offense but have you ever done anything like this before?  
  
Harry: No . . . !  
  
Snape: Ah! The boy has talent. I like him!(grabd Harry between legs, Harry jumps and yells awkwardly) Nothing funny... (removing hand) I just like talent.  
  
Madame Pomfrey: See Professor Mcgonagall, with Harry we can win this truly tough quidditch match that we've always dreamt of.  
  
Madame Pomfrey: But how will we convince Dumbledore? - - - - - - Harry as Narrator: But Mcgonagall had a plan. (Others whisper "Hermione") They would dress me in the Snape's best suit and pass me off as a famous sixth year from another country. Once Hermione saw my excellent talent, she would be astounded and insist to Dumbledore that I be the new seeker for Gryfindor. The only problem was I kept hearing my Aunt and Uncle's voices in my head . . .  
  
Mr. And Mrs. Dursley: You'll end up wasting your life at the Diagon Ally pub with an old witch! - - - - - - Harry: NO! I can't Be the seeker in a wizard game! (he tries to leave)  
  
Mcgonagall: Why not?  
  
Harry: I--I don't even know if I am a true Quidditch Revolutionary.  
  
Mcgonagall: Do you believe in flying?  
  
Harry: Yes.  
  
Madame Pomfrey: Soaring?  
  
Harry: Yes, of course.  
  
Snape: Truth?  
  
Harry: Yes!  
  
Mcgonagall: Love? (Everyone looks at her, as if this question is not the same as the others)  
  
Harry: Love? Love. Above all things I believe in love. Love is like oxygen. Love is a many splendid thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love.  
  
Mcgonagall: See, you can't fool us! You're the voice of the Wizards of the Revolution! You will play in one of the world's first Supernatural Revolution games! - - - - - - Harry as Narrator: It was a perfect plan. I was to audition for Hermione and I would taste my first glass of Butter Beer. (Mcgonagall, Madame Pomfrey, Nape, and Harry gulp down a yummy substance as a golden fairy hallucination appears) - - - - -  
  
Gold Fairy: I'm the Gold Fairy.  
  
All sing: "The hat is alive with the sound of sorting..." FLYING... SOARING...TRUTH AND LOVE!  
  
Gold Fairy sings: The hat is alive with the sound of sorting  
  
Harry as Narrator: We were off to Hogwarts again, and I was to perform my abilities for Hermione.  
  
***I NEED SOME INPUT! IF YOU'VE GOT ANY IDEAS OR COMMENTS, E-MAIL..R/R/E! ; )*** 


	4. Veuillez la magie avec moi? Ce soir?

Dumbledore: HOGWARTS! Harry as Narrator: Albus Dumbledore and his infamous wizards. They called them his "Dumble Dogs." SINGING Witches: Veuillez la magie avec moi? Ce soir? (((Yes, this is different. I actually translated it into French. It means: Please do magic with me? This evening?))) Hey wizard, go wizard, soul wizard, flow wizard. Hey wizard, go wizard, soul wizard, flow wizard. Dumbledore: When work's an awful bore and living's just a chore (incomprehensible)... Death eaters--not much fun. I've got the antidote. And though I mustn't gloat. At Hogwarts... You'll have fun! So scratch that little niggle, Have a little wiggle! Dumbledore: 'Cause you can, can, can! Students: Yes, you can, can, can! Witches: Veuillez la magie avec moi? Ce soir? Dumbledore: But you can't, can't, can't. Students: Yes, you can, can, can! Witches: Veuillez la magie avec moi? Ce soir? Dumbledore: But you can, can, can!  
  
(incomprehensible) Old, rich wizards: Here we are now, come transform us! We feel magic and contagious. Dumbledore: Got some dark havoc? Love to play with magic? Why not let it rip? Live a little bit! Dumbledore: 'Cause you can, can, can! Students: Yes, you can, can, can! Old, rich wizards: Here we are now, come transform us! Dumbledore: But you can't, can't, can't! Witches: Veuillez la magie avec moi? Ce soir? Students: Yes, you can, can, can! old rich wizards: If you're magic and contagious. Dumbledore: Outside it may be raining, but in here it's entertaining! Dumbledore: Cause you can, can, can! Cause you can, can, can! Old rich wizards: Here we are now, come transform us! Dumbledore: Outside things may be tragic, But in here we do the magic! Students: Here we are now, entertain us! Dumbledore: (whispers) We Can-can! Students: Because we can, can, can  
  
Because we can can can can can can can can can  
  
Hey wizard, go wizard, soul wizard, flow wizard  
  
Gitchie, gitchie, ya ya da da  
  
Gitchie, gitchie, ya ya here  
  
Mocha Chocolata ya ya  
  
Creole Magic Marmalade Harry: Cause it's good for your mind! (he screams) Students: Because we can, can, can  
  
Because we can can can can can can can can can END OF SONG  
  
(((Well, that's all for now. Waiting for more reviews to see who's enjoyed it. It's fun to write though, seeing as how Harry Potter and Moulin Rouge are my two favorite things! Thanks everyone who did review: Keva, peggysue33, Evanne Martine Hall, Ctina, animalcrackers, Lara Baggins And any one else who's review hasn't shown up yet. I'll try to include you next time ; ) Much love, Jas Cambrion))) 


	5. Dumbledore's Investor...

Madame Pooch: Mission accomplished. We successfully evaded Dumbledore!... It's her! The "Sparkling Witch!  
  
SONG - SPARKLING DIAMONDS  
  
Hermione: Wizards are glad to die for love. They delight in fighting duels.  
  
Harry as Narrator: (spoken) But someone else was to meet Hermione that night.  
  
Hermione: But I prefer a man who lives . . .  
  
Harry as Narrator: (spoken) Dumbledore's investor...  
  
Merione: And gives expensive jewels.  
  
Harry as Narrator: (spoken) Victor Krum.  
  
Hermione: A kiss on the hand may be quite continental  
  
but diamonds are a girl's best friend  
  
A kiss may be grand but it won't pay the rental  
  
on your humble flat... Or help you feed your cat (meow) pussycat  
  
Men grow cold as girls grow old,  
  
and we all lose our charms in the end  
  
But square cut or pear shaped,  
  
these rocks don't lose their shapes  
  
Diamonds are a girl's best friend  
  
Tiffany! (Pulls out wand and points at several third years, then blows a kiss)  
  
Krum: (spoken) When am I going to meet the girl?  
  
Dumbledore: (spoken) After her number, I've arranged a special meeting with you and Mademoiselle hermione . . . totally alone.  
  
Hermione: CARTIER!  
  
Madame Pooch: (spoken) After her number, I've arranged a private meeting with just you and Mademoiselle Hermione totally alone.  
  
Harry: (spoken) Alone?  
  
Dumbledore and Madame Pooch: (spoken, Dumbledore to Krum, Pooch to Harry) Totally alone.  
  
Hermione: Cause we are living in a material world,  
  
and I am a material girl! (Puts wand back with a snap in her diamond covered robes) Black star, Rozz call,  
  
talk to me Albus, tell me all about it!  
  
There may come a time when a lass needs a lawyer  
  
Dumbledore: But diamonds are a girl's best friend  
  
Hermione: There may come a time when a hot-boiled employer thinks you're  
  
Dumbledore: Awful nice  
  
Hermione: But get that ice or else no dice  
  
Mcgonagall: (spoken) Don't worry, don't worry, I'll sally forth and get things cleaned up..  
  
Hermione: (spoken) Is Krum here Albus?  
  
Dumbledore: (spoken) Yes, of course.  
  
Mcganagall: (spoken) Terribly sorry...  
  
Hermione: (spoken) Where is he?  
  
(Mcgonagall is now shaking a hanky at Krum, trying to clean up the mess she made. Krum pushes her away)  
  
Dumbledore: (spoken) He's the one Mcgonagall is shaking her hanky at. (mcgonagall goes to Harry to get another hanky)  
  
Mcgonagall: (spoken) Excuse me Harry, may I borrow?  
  
Witches: Diamonds are a girl's best, diamonds are a girl's best, diamonds are a girl's best friend... (hermione sees Mcgonagall shaking the hanky at Harry, therefore thinks he is Krum)  
  
Hermione: (spoken) Are you sure? (Mcgonagall ventures back to Krum and is now trying, in vain, to clear things up)  
  
Dumbledore: (spoken) Let me peek...  
  
Toulouse: (spoken to Krum now so Dumbledore will think Hermione saw the right person) I'm ever so sorry. Ooh, how embarrassing.  
  
Dumbledore: (spoken) That's the one chick pea. (mumbled) I hope that daemonic loon, Mcgonagall hasn't frightened him off....  
  
Mcgonagall: (spoken) Clean yourself off you bourgeois pig!! (she snorts then sees Krum's man servant's gun...) Oh sorry....  
  
Hermione: (spoken) Will he invest?  
  
Dumbledore: (spoken) Pigeon, After spending the night with you, how can he refuse?  
  
Hermione: (spoken) What's his type? Wilting flower? *HMM* Bright and bubbly *GASP* or smoldering witch? *GROWL*  
  
Dumbledore: (spoken) I'd say smoldering witch. We're all relying on you, gosling... Remember - a real show, with a real theater, with a real audience. And you'll be . . .  
  
Hermione: (spoken) A real WITCH...  
  
Hermione: Cause that's when those louses go back to their spouses. Diamonds are a girl's best friend!  
  
END OF SONG  
  
Hermione to Harry: I believe you were expecting me.  
  
Harry: Yes, yes.  
  
(((That's it for now! Had a few more reviews from the following: Iscabibble, peggysue33, Mikia!! Thanks a billion guys, and keep reviewing. Hope you enjoy! If you want to know when I update this, e-mail me at Perfect_little_me41@yahoo.com))) 


	6. Private Quidditch Match

Private Quidditch Match  
  
Hermione: I'm afraid it's ladies choice. (Harry does not get up, and Hermione puts on a sad face and whimpers) Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. *GRRRRR*! Madame Pooch: I see you've already met my English friend. Hermione: I'll take care of it Pooch. Let's dance!  
  
(Hermione pulls Harry onto the dance floor)  
  
(Rythym of the Night starts to play) Professors: That seemed to go well/ Incredible/ He has a gift with the women/ I told you, he's a Genius! Dumbledore: That Krum certainly can dance! Hermione: So wonderful of you to take an interest in our little team. Harry: Sounds very exciting, I'd be delighted to be involved. Hermione: Really? Harry: Assuming you like what I do of course. Hermione: I'm sure I will. harry: Madame Pooch thought we might be able to um... do it in private. Hermione: Did she? Harry: Yes, you know, a private... Quidditch match. Hermione: Oh... hmm... a Quidditch match? Oooh, I love a little quidditch after supper! Hermione: Hang on to your hats! Hermione sings: (being lifted from trapeeze) Diamonds... Diamonds... Diamonds are a girls best. *heavy, stuttering breathing*  
  
(Hermione faints and falls from her trapeze. Ron catches her) Dumbledore: Nooooo! (pause) Yeahhhhhhhh!!!!!  
  
(Students start to chant "Hermione") ----------- Pansy Parkinson: Don't know if that Krum's gonna get his money's worth tonight. Witch: Don't be unkind Pansy. ----------- Dumbledore: You frightened her away. But I can see some lonely Hogwarts dancers looking for a partner or two. So if you can hunk-hunk, you can hunkadola with them. ----------- Mrs. Weasly: Away, away we go quickly. Hermione: (waking to find everyone worried after her fainting) Oh... Molly, these silly costumes.  
  
(((I know, I know! It's short, but at least it's updated! Been busy, but thanks to everyone who's reviewed! And keep reviewing, even if you already have! I love to hear from you. If you want to be notified by me personally when I update this story, e-mail me at perfect_little_me41@yahoo.com.THANKS!))) 


	7. Feel The Quidditch

Feel The Quidditch  
  
Doctor: All right, you witches. Get back out front and make those wizards thirsty. Problems?  
  
Mrs. Weasly (Molly): Not for you to be worried about.  
  
Doctor: Let's not stand around then.  
  
(Hermione coughs into tissue violently. You wouldn't want her near you coughing like that. - there is blood on the tissue)  
  
-------------  
  
Krum: (To his man servant) Find Dumbledore, the girl is waiting for me.  
  
-------------  
  
Mrs. Weasly (Molly) : That twinkle-toes Krum has really taken the bait girl. With a patron like him, you'll be the next.Lilly Potter.  
  
Hermione: (Amazed, for she knows Lilly Potter was one of the best witches in history) Do you really think I could be like the great Lilly?  
  
Mrs. Weasly (Molly): Why not? You have the talent. You hook that Krum and you'll be lining up the great Muggles at your name.  
  
Hermione: I'm going to be a REAL witch, Molly, a great witch, and I'm going to fly away from here. (to her bird) Oh yes, we're going to fly, fly away from here!  
  
Dumbledore: Duckling, is everything all right?  
  
Satine: Oh yes, of course Harold. (Turning to face him, trying not to knock Mrs. Weasly out with her gigantic buttocks. The dress she is wearing is so large in that area that it looks as if it could make Hermione topple to the ground)  
  
Dumbledore: Oh thank goodness. You certainly weaved your magic with that Krum on the dance floor. (Winking suggestively)  
  
Hermione: How do I look? Smoldering temptress? (She purrrrrrs..)  
  
Dumbledore: Oh, my little straw-bry, how can he possibly resist but gobbling you up? (He smiles, the pervert!) Everything's going so weeeeeeell!  
  
------------  
  
Mcgonagall: Unbelievable, straight to the elephant!  
  
Hermione: This is a wonderful place for..mmm. 'quidditch match' don't you think? Hmm... sporty enough for you?  
  
Harry: Yes... (Not paying attention to her sexual behavior, almost dazed. Makes you wonder about him..)  
  
Hermione: A little supper? Maybe some Butterbeer?  
  
Harry: I'd rather just, um... get it over and done with. (Hermione is shocked, but gains her composure)  
  
Hermione: Oh... very well... then why don't you come down here and let's get it over and done with? (Patting the bed)  
  
Harry: I'd prefer to do it standing.  
  
Hermione: Oh. (Again, taken aback.)  
  
Harry: You don't have to stand I mean. Sometimes that - it's quite long. And I-I'd like you to be comfortable. It's quite modern what I do and it may feel a little strange at first but--but I think if you're open then-- then you might enjoy it. (Stuttering nervously. Yes, they ARE, in fact, talking about two very different things)  
  
Hermione: I'm sure I will.  
  
Harry: Excuse me. The snitch is--  
  
Hermione: Oh... (she is on the bed moaning)  
  
Harry: Is... ugh... gold... oh... (blows a raspberry) come on (blows a raspberry) come on (blows a raspberry) I think...  
  
Hermione: Oh! (moaning)  
  
Harry: I might be shaking . . . Oh Tik-ee-tik-ee-tik-ee . . . (Turning around, 'collecting' himself)  
  
Hermione: Um... is everything all right?  
  
Harry: I'm just a little nervous...It just that sometimes it takes a while ugh...  
  
Hermione: Ohhhh...  
  
Harry: For you know...inspiration to come.  
  
Hermione: (Getting up from the bed) Oh yes, yes, yes...Let mommy help, hmm? (Grabs Harry's "How's Your Father" as he shudders) Does that inspire you? Let's make love! (Pushes him on the bed)  
  
Harry: Make love?  
  
Hermione: You want to, don't you?  
  
Harry: Well I--I... came to--  
  
Hermione: Hmm, tell the truth. Feel the quidditch! Come on... feel it... feel it tiger! (she growls)  
  
Harry: Ohhh...  
  
Hermione: Oh... big boy!  
  
Mcgonagall: He's got a huge talent! (Peeking in the window upside down, the pervert!) 


End file.
